WOMEN DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY FUCKING WANT.

So, clearly I’ve had too much time to myself recently because I’ve started doing that over-thinking shit that girls are so good at. I’m over-thinking everything right now. Everything.

I happened to mention the fact that Jock had come up with the beautiful Cinderella-story shoe Christmas gift to the Bestie I’ve Never Had a Dalliance With. You can read all about that in Cinderella’s Glass Slipper if you want. Well now the Bestie is adamant he’s going to propose in June – my birthday.

We know that he is planning something bigger and better with the other shoe. What’s going to be bigger and better than what he has already done? It would be the perfect love story. And let’s face it; everything about our short but incredibly passionate love affair has been pretty much perfect so far. I’d go as far as to say that he is pretty much the male version of me but a bit “bolshier”. Yep, I’d say that.

What would I really do if he proposed to me? See; here comes the over-thinking. The other weird thing that sparked me off was my Papa Smurf randomly asking me out of the blue if I was divorced from The Hubby yet… Is something happening here? I very much doubt that – I don’t think Jock and Papa Smurf even know anything about each other. But… what if they did?

Come on girls – we’ve all had THAT daydream in our heads far too early on in the relationship. Don’t deny it. We’ve been together six and a half months. That’s it. That’s it and I’m already considering what I would do if he were to get down on one knee to me in six months from now. The Bestie asked me what I’d say if he did and I genuinely didn’t really know what to say.

If I feel a fraction as much then as I do now, I think my heart would explode with love if he popped the question. I know however he planned to do it would blow me away – every time he does these cute little romantic things, he blows me away. It’s a unique kinda romance. It doesn’t make any sense. But to me it does. I think he “gets” me.

I’d be worried what kind of ring he come up with. Or not. I’ve always said that I’d love a little diamond dermal implanted into my ring finger if I ever got married again. That’s like permanent. Well, kinda. It would certainly be cool and unique. And I hate tattoo ring fingers. One Ball had one of those. Ew.

Would he know me well enough to get the engagement ring right? I’ve innocently showed him a few of my pins on Pinterest and happened to have thrown a few engagement rings in there… in a subtle way, like you do. Would this be enough to give him an indication of what I’d like?

See we face a dilemma now – if it gets to June and we are still gleefully happy and he doesn’t propose, I’m gonna shit a brick. I’d start to question things that NEVER bothered me before. Why doesn’t he want to marry me? If he got engaged to his ex, why won’t he get engaged to me? He says I’m a million times better than her. So why no rock? See guys – this is what we mean by WOMEN DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY FUCKING WANT. 

To be honest, I don’t even know if I want to get married again. It just feels like an awful lot of unnecessary hassle. I had my wedding day – I got married to a guy that later split my top lip practically in half and caught gonorrhoea in the first year of our marriage. Classy. My first wedding was utter shit. Really it was. So trashy. Honestly, what was I thinking?

How could I see myself getting married again? Do I want a beach wedding or a Vegas wedding? What about a country estate wedding? No, how about a verandah overlooking a beautiful lake? Shut up! I want a castle! I’d wear a vintage gown. No a fishtail gown. No! A short 50’s inspired gown! Ahhhhhhhh!

Ta-da! Hello crazy bitch!

Of course I want Jock to propose to me. What girl doesn’t want to be proposed to? It’s like the ultimate validation – you are cool girlfriend, well done! You defeated other girls. You win. I guess you actually gotta get him down the aisle first though. His ex didn’t. Ha!

I have absolutely no clue how I’d react to be fair. I know it’s something that you can only really know right at that very moment. Who knows? Maybe he’s never even thought about getting married to me. We have been together just six and a half months, after all. I’ll say yes either way. He’s my Prince. Im not stupid enough to think that I’ll get anything better than what I have right now. I have a man that makes me laugh, cooks me food, plays my body better than any lover I’ve ever had before and one billion percent spoils me as much as he can. He massages my back and shoulder EVERY night before we go to sleep. Without fail. I don’t even need to ask anymore. I’m not even kidding. Every night that we have spent together, he has massaged my neck and shoulders. I know I’ve got something real special right here in my hands. I’d be a fool to let that go. I know we don’t look like other “regular” couples but I don’t care. He’s my slightly tubby, very grey, older man-panther and I fucking love him. He might be an utter moron but he’s the only moron that’s ever had me bowled over quite like this. Who cares if he doesn’t have as much money as I do and I tend to pay for things all the time? Some people pay ridiculous amounts on online dating registrations, failed dinner dates, wasted bottles of champagne or ridiculously expensive roses and still never laugh as much as I do when I’m with him.

So yes. I will get engaged to the guy that’s never asked me to marry him in six months time! 😉